I’m a motherless mother, a parentless parent, actually, and I’m writing this post with tears in my eyes. My mother never saw me graduate from college. She never met my husband. She was not at my wedding, and has never met my children.
Mother’s Day is a day to honor moms for the immeasurable joy they bring to our lives, the lessons they teach and the sacrifices they make for us. For many, this day is filled with love, laughter, and happiness.
For me, it brings a bittersweet sadness that is difficult to escape.
A lot of people ask me why I’m so passionate about wellness. They are curious about why I became a wellness teacher, a fitness trainer, and why I write about whole living.
The answer is complex, yet simple at the same time: In short, I watched my mother die.
Growing up, I watched my mother’s health slowly deteriorate until she passed away shortly after I turned 20. Her poor health was due partially to illnesses and situations beyond her control. Many factors, though, came from her neglecting to take care of herself.
Early in my adult life, I was in the same cycle of self-neglect and poor self care as my mother. I ate lots of processed food, didn’t exercise, was always on the go, didn’t get enough sleep, and experienced a ton of unnecessary stress.
Then I became a MOM.
When I had my first daughter, I realized I could NEVER leave my sweet baby motherless because of careless choices. I decided that I would always do everything in my power to model the wellness lifestyle for her. I want her to know that living a whole life, one that is focused on being spiritually, physically and emotionally whole is really the best gift that she can give herself and the world.
Are there situations and factors beyond my control that could happen? Sure, but my health and wellness is one thing that I DO have some power over. I can choose to feed my body whole foods, to exercise regularly, and to make self-care a priority so that I am at my best to serve others.
Mother’s Day for me is often focused on reflection rather than celebration. This year, I find myself realizing that the reason I’m so passionate about health and wellness is because it is the way I honor my mom’s memory. In honoring her memory, I want her to know a few things:
- I want her to know that I’ve learned from both her successes and her mistakes.
- I want her to know that her grandchildren have a mother who is breaking the cycle of illness and self-neglect.
- I want her to know that her life was meaningful and that I love and miss her dearly.
Wellness is really the Mother’s Day gifts that keep on giving. Taking care of yourself and giving yourself that gift is a way to honor yourself as a mom. Passing that on to your children is a powerful legacy that can be passed on to your children.
What’s your favorite Mother’s Day gift?
P.S. If you know a motherless mom, show her a little extra care and attention on Mother’s Day. Don’t tell her to snap out of her funk and to just celebrate being a mom. Instead, help her honor her own mother in some small way. Talk to her about her mom, and really listen to her pain instead of trying to fix it.
This is awesome, Embrolic! I share these same feelings as well. I lost my mother three years ago to things in and out of her control. Her death awakened me in regards to health and has caused me to make better choices for myself and my family. Our stories are so similar, it’s as if I wrote this post. Mother’s day is definitely bittersweet to me as well! I pray your strength on Sunday as you reflect on memories of your mother. Thanks for sharing.
Nicole, Thank you for your kind words. I felt the same way when I read your post! Thanks for the prayers–they are always welcome.
Great post!!
Favorite mother’s day gift is being able to spend mother’s day with my family.
Thanks for the comment, Jasmine! Being able to spend time with my family definitely makes the day a tad bit easier.
Embrikic I can’t begin to imagine what who would I be without my mother. Thank you for such a sweet and vulnerable post.
Be blessed,
gema from belovedgems.org
My keyboard went crazy…correction: Embrolic
Gema, It is a difficult road, but I know God has and will continue to use this experience to shape me. Thanks you for commenting.
This is a lovely post. My mother lost her mother (my grandma) and even though it’s been over 15 years every mother’s day is still hard. With both her daughters living far away this year, it’s been even tougher. We sent her a card and of course we’ll call her so hopefully that helps a little.
Thanks for commenting, Lisa. I’m sure your mother will be overjoyed to hear from both you and your sister!
Beautiful message that anyone benefits from hearing. If you can’t appreciate your value for yourself, do it for those who love you. Self-care isn’t selfish… or if it is, then selfishness is the most generous thing you can do for the world. This world needs more happy, healthy people. I hope this Sunday finds you celebrating mother’s day as the Mom with your child in the most beautiful and heartful way. May you together remember your mother, and their grandmother, so that her spirit gets to celebrate with you.
Thank you for such kind words, Indigo. Yes, it took me a long time (too long) to learn that self-care isn’t selfish–it is necessary for joyful, compassionate living. I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment.
This post brought teared to my eyes of sorrow and joy. I am thankful for my relationship with my mother and I don’t take it for granted. Thank you for sharing your story.
Shonda, thank you for commenting. Yes, please continue to show gratitude for your relationship with your mother. It is a relationship that is priceless and irreplaceable. 🙂
Tears Embrolic. I have been crying for the past two weeks from missing my mom so much! Her passing is still fresh in my mind and yet so is yours. The time doesn’t really matter. It’s that void that’s always there. Mothers are special beings and there’s a bond that’s created in the womb. Thanks for sharing your story. Your daughters are truly blessed to have you for a mother. May God keep you and all of the motherless mothers in His care on this special week-end and always. Love you.
Mona, Thanks so much for leaving a comment. Yes, I find that time doesn’t really matter. You put it perfectly by calling it a void. It is a HUGE void that cannot be filled but anyone else on this Earth. Thank you for your words and blessings. Prayers and hugs for you and all of us this weekend. L
We take our parents for granted much too often! My mother lost both her parents before I turned 5. I know that every holiday seems to bring up memories of her parents, but I try to help her focus on how great her parents were. She sure was elated when I told her I will name my first daughter after my grandmother (we aren’t expecting yet, just planning ahead). I know one of her worries is that she won’t get to know my children or my brothers’ children well, I should share this with her.
Oh Marissa, please do share it with her! This message is meant to touch the heart of any motherless mother. It will be so special for your mother to have a granddaughter named after her mother. Have a wonderful weekend honoring your mom!
Hi Embrolic,
I am visiting from the Growing Your Blog FB page. Nice to meet you. What a wonderful tribute to your mother – to take good care of yourself! That is wonderful! I love how you are doing this for your children as well.
Hi Amy! Thank you for visiting my blog and taking the time to comment. I appreciate it–please have a wonderful Mother’s Day!