The Be One Life

Heart, Soul, Mind, and Strength together a one.

How to Protect Your Marriage From Holiday Stress

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‘Tis the season. Bells are ringing. Lights are twinkling. All is merry and bright–or is it? How is your marriage? Are you and your spouse struggling with the effects of holiday stress? For many couples, the holidays are full of extra events, extra commitments, and extra people. All of this “extra” can lead to feelings of overwhelm.

Stop for a moment. Notice your breath–is it shallow and up in your chest? Do your shoulders and neck ache? Is your chest tight? Do you have a dull headache or feel overly anxious?

Instead of enjoying this time of celebration and excitement, are you and your spouse snappy and high strung? It doesn’t have to be this way. With the right perspective, you can take care of your marriage and even grow closer during this holiday season. It all starts with a little marriage soul care.

Here are some simple, yet impactful ways to protect your marriage from holiday stress.

  1. Choose your priorities! Want to relieve stress and cut it off before it starts? Then focus on what matters most. Spend a few moments in silence and ask God to show you what is necessary to focus on during this time of year for your family. From here, begin to think about your priorities and choose 3 areas of importance for this Christmas season. Perhaps you want to focus on connecting with the Creator, remembering Jesus’ birth, or even just enjoying the season with your family. Whatever your priorities are, write them down and focus your time and energy on them as a couple.
  2. Release Expectations. This is the hardest right? It’s not saying that we cannot have expectations, but we do need to hold them loosely. Grasping at our expectations too tightly is a surefire way to end up anxious and disappointed. Instead of focusing on all the things people say the “perfect holiday” entails, how about looking around at what is actually happening in the moment. Be present to what you are currently doing and allow yourself to engage with whatever is in front of you. You see, anxiety comes when we are preoccupied with the future. It is our ego’s way of trying to control things that we have no control over. When holiday stress and anxiety rear their ugly heads (and they will) ask yourselves: What is happening now? What beauty is here? How can we fully engage this moment?
  3. Read God’s Word together. Spend a few minutes each day (you can start with 5) reading the Word. Time spent in God’s word tunes our heart to His and reminds us of what is important. Read a few verses together and have a quick chat on how it can be used to shape your marriage.
  4. Pray together. We all know we need to pray together, but are we actually doing it. Sure, you may pray for your spouse, but are we praying with them? Praying together helps you to grow in oneness because you are seeking the heart of the Father as a unit. You can share you deep needs, desires, hurts, and joys as one. When you pray together, you, your spouse, and God are all in communion in a way that doesn’t happen when you pray separately. Use this short time to not only speak to God, but to invite a few moments of silence in for listening.
  5. Keep regular couple time. Make it a regular practice during the holidays to make time for each other. Whether it is a date night at home or a shopping date, spend some time with just two of you. During this season when everyone and everything is vying for your time, make your relationship a priority. Spend quality time together often.

The holidays are often a time of stress and strain. But they don’t have to be. Choosing soul care for our marriage can keep us focus on what and Who matter most. May you walk through this season of Advent hand in hand and eyes toward heaven.

Be One, Beloved!

 

Gratitude- Life Debt to Jesus

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Have you ever read a book or seen a movie where the hero saves someone’s life, and then in gratitude the saved person dedicates her life to serving the hero? This life debt concept is highlighted in many stories, including Star Wars and Harry Potter to name a couple. The greatest story ever told also has the life debt concept, but what sets it apart from other stories is that it is our story and it’s True. The redemption story features Jesus as the greatest hero to ever live. God loved this world so much that he sent Jesus to save the world by taking the punishment for the world’s sin. Jesus died on the cross as a sacrifice to God for us all. If anyone has reason to be grateful, it is us.

Paul, an apostle of Jesus, used this same type of life debt concept when describing the relationship those who follow Jesus have with Him in 2 Corinthians 5:14-15. He says, “Christ’s love controls us. Since we believe that Christ died for all, we also believe that we have all died to our old life. He died for everyone so that those who receive this new life will no longer live for themselves. Instead, they will live for Christ, who died and was raised for them.” Those who believe in Jesus are given a second chance with a new life free of the guilt of sin. How great is that?! Does knowing you are forgiven of every wrong thing you have done in your life make you feel grateful?

As followers of Jesus, we live in service to God out of gratitude to Him for his love, mercy, and grace. We are not working to earn our salvation, but because we are already saved by Jesus’ sacrifice. Romans 8:7-11 gives an excellent explanation of how God’s love, mercy, and grace produces gratitude in everyone who believes in Jesus.

“But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners. And since we have been made right in God’s sight by the blood of Christ, he will certainly save us from God’s condemnation. For since our friendship with God was restored by the death of his Son while we were still his enemies, we will certainly be saved through the life of his Son. So now we can rejoice in our wonderful new relationship with God because our Lord Jesus Christ has made us friends of God.”

Our gratitude for God and desire to spend our lives serving him stems from the love God first showed us. Through our restored relationship, we can rejoice and gratefully give God all the glory. This month, join us as we explore what the Bible says about living in gratitude and how it flows into our relationships with our spouse, children, extended family, and friends.

Be One, Beloved

Discipleship: WWJD

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Discipleship2017Do you remember the saying that was popular in the ’90s, “WWJD”? It was on everything from bracelets to bumper stickers. WWJD stands for “What would Jesus do?” When you had to make a choice, you were suppose to stop and think about what Jesus would do in the situation and do that. While this movement had great intentions and probably helped many people make better choices, we believe there is a foundational flaw. How is one to know what Jesus would do or think, if they don’t know Jesus? How would one know whether their choice is Jesus-like or not if they didn’t know what Jesus actually said and did. The place we get this information is from the Bible, and particularly the gospels. A disciple of anything is simply a “follower.” To be a true follower of anyone, you must know what they stand for and where they are leading you. This is no different with Jesus. To be Jesus followers (disciples) we have to first learn what He stands for, what He teaches, and where He is leading us.

Jesus said loving Him with all our heart, soul, mind and strength is the greatest commandment and loving others is the second greatest (Mark 12:29-31). He loves each of us because we are His creation and He died for our brokenness. He did not do this because it was an easy choice. In fact, the the world hated Him at the time (John 3:16-17, Romans 5:7-11). We show our love for Jesus by obeying his commandments (John 14:15-21).

All of us have to search our own hearts and decide whether we want to serve ourselves or if we want to follow Jesus. He says we can’t do both. This month, please join us as we study His word to learn more about being disciples (followers of Jesus). Let’s imitate His example and begin to live and love like Jesus.

Self-Control – Discipline to Answer the Call

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Self-control2017For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control. -2 Timothy 1:7 (ESV)

Self-control–it’s that final aspect in the list of the fruit of the spirit that seems to trip so many of is up.  All of the other aspects give us a green light; we interpret and readily accept them as character traits to embody and put into action.  We want to be loving, joyful, peaceful, patient, kind, good, faithful, and gentle, right.  Then we read self-control.

And something inside us shifts.

Instead of us exploring how we can practice self-control, we shut down a bit because of what we have learned about self-control. We have been tricked into believing that self-control is all about what we don’t do; what we shouldn’t do. When we think about self-control in only this way, it limits our understanding of the power of the Spirit.

See, self-control means we have the discipline to do the work we have been called to do. It helps us to do good for others and to do well for ourselves.  Self-control allows us to see the freedom that comes with having the choice of saying either yes or no.  The more we become like Jesus, the more we will exercise self-control.  Though He is the master of self-control, He is known for what He actually did; not what He avoided.  And like Him, we will be known for both living and living well.

What a blessing!  Self-control moves us toward freedom.

This month, we will be exploring what God’s love letter to us says about self-control.  We are praying that you will join us as we learn to embrace the we freedom gain as we become more self-controlled. #thebeonelife #selfcontrol #fruitofthespirit

Gentleness – Gentle Words

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Gentleness2017Instead, you must worship Christ as Lord of your life. And if someone asks about your Christian hope, always be ready to explain it. But do this in a gentle and respectful way. Keep your conscience clear. Then if people speak against you, they will be ashamed when they see what a good life you live because you belong to Christ. -1 Peter 3:15-16. (NLT)
What happened to respect and decency when expressing our views to one another? It seems that we have chosen to turn a deaf ear to truth, and instead focus our attention on the loudest voice in the room. Do we truly believe it is okay to engage in conversation or debate using any means necessary? Even if it means completely disregarding the other person’s humanity or well-being? One of the reasons our conversations have sunk so low in our culture (including our homes) is an underutilized spiritual gift from the Creator–gentleness. Gentleness in speech can make to difference in having a conversation or an argument (Proverbs 15:1).

There’s an old saying, “sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.” That is so untrue! Words are much more powerful than sticks and stones. It is often words that cause people to pick up the sticks and stones. James 3:5-10 teaches us about how words have a powerful effect on us and can be like setting a forest on fire. Words have the power to both bring peace and start wars. It is up to us to choose our words carefully to build up our relationships instead of tear them down. We should “always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love.” (Ephesians 4:2)

If someone asks about your Christian hope, always be ready to explain it. Your testimony about how Jesus changed your life may be exactly what that person needs to hear. When we share the words of God with someone, we plant a seed in their hearts for God to nurture and grow. It is not our job to bully people into accepting Jesus. Only Jesus can save and the Holy Spirit works on the hearts and minds of those that hear the gospel to bring them to salvation. So friends, we must answer people who question our faith gently and respectfully. When people see the love of Jesus in your heart play out in our lives, it will be much easier for them to believe the words that we say.

Let us live our lives with love and gentleness towards one another so we can build up one another in our relationships! When we have trusting relationships, we can gently and humbly help a spouse or loved one who has gotten off course find their way back to Jesus. Be gentle.

Faithfulness – Blessed

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IMG_1018“Then Jesus told him, “You believe because you have seen me. Blessed are those who believe without seeing me.” -John 20:29 (NLT)

This blessing is for us! The Creator and Sustainer of the universe and all therein gives us a special blessing because we believe in Him even though we have not seen Him.

The greek word here for blessed is makarios and means happy or content. We are considered content (having all that we need) because we have believed in Jesus without seeing. Does this make us blind followers of some crazy story passed down through generations? Do we have blind faith?

No. It simply means we have faith; an assurance of our hope and an absolute conviction for what os to come.

We see the evidence of our Creator God everywhere. The evidence lies in the intricacies of this vast universe, our beautiful world, and the delicate design of our beings. It also lies in our ability and need to be creative as image bearers of our Creator.

We have faith because God has left His signature on everything good in creation. Romans 1:2 says “for ever since the world was created, people have seen the earth and sky. Through everything God made, they can clearly see his invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature. So they have no excuse for not knowing God.”

This month, we will be exploring the topic of faith and faithfulness. Ours to the Creator and His to us. Our prayer is is that we would all receive Jesus’ blessing and return to our childlike faithfulness with awe and reverence of our God.

All Things Work Together For the Good

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IMG_1017“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” –Romans 8:28 (NLT)
How many of us love this verse? This portion of God’s love letter speaks to our souls because it reminds us of the big picture. It is easy to misinterpret God’s message to us here and make it all about us. Let us say it plainly friend, it is not about us.

This verse is about God.

Often we make this verse mean that everything will work out the way we want it. Our desired outcomes become the only ones that matter. We start to think “if I do this, then I can make x happen.” We get lost in the details of our lives and take the focus from God to us.

But our amazing Creator is too big for that box. When we shift our focus from us to Him, we see that “the good” is something that will always draw our souls closer to our Creator. When we are focused on only our own good, we often choose things move us in the opposite direction. Putting the focus back on God reminds us that even when horrible things happen, God will use them for His glory and to draw us into deeper relationship with Him through Jesus.

Scripture tells us in James 1:17 that “every good and perfect gift comes from above.” We must remember that all good things come from God. In the Kingdom of God, many things that Jesus considers good (suffering, humility, dying to self) are seen as exactly the opposite in our fallen world.

This month’s theme is goodness. Let’s open God’s word together and explore what it says about this fruit of the Spirit. As we grow together in goodness, we can reflect more and more of God’s light into the world.

Kindness

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Kindness“But—When God our Savior revealed his kindness and love, he saved us, not because of the righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He washed away our sins, giving us a new birth and new life through the Holy Spirit. He generously poured out the Spirit upon us through Jesus Christ our Savior. Because of his grace he made us right in his sight and gave us confidence that we will inherit eternal life.” Titus 3:4-7 (NLT)

God showed us great love and kindness when he sent Jesus to save us, not because of anything we had done to earn it, but because we needed it; we could not save ourselves. As we look at God’s loving kindness this month, we want to pose a few questions:

Love and kindness go hand and hand. Is it possible to be loving without being kind?

Jesus was the personification of love, but was he always kind?

If Jesus was always kind, what form of kindness did he show when his mother and brothers were standing outside asking to speak to him and he answered, “who is my mother and who are my brothers?”or when he overturned the money changers’ tables in the temple, or the many times he rebuked the religious leaders?

To help us answer these questions, we should first clear up the misconception that being kind means being nice. There are clear differences between the two. Being kind means giving others what they need according to God’s will (Roman 11:22-23). On the other hand, being nice means giving the other person what they want, even if it is not what God wants. Being nice focuses on pleasing others, but being kind focuses on pleasing God. Being kind requires us to tell the truth in love (2 John 1:4-6), whereas being nice requires we tell people what they want to hear. Being nice worries about pleasing the other person or what they might think of you, while being kind focuses on what best for the other person in light of salvation (1 Corinthians 9:19-23).
The biggest difference between being nice and being kind is that kindness leads us to value one’s soul in light of eternity over making them momentarily happy. Would we let a child (or any loved one) play or stand in the middle of a dangerous street? No! We would push, pull, and if necessary, drag them to safety. Pushing someone is not always seen as nice, but in this case, it is the kindest thing to do.

Simply put, Jesus was kind to everyone he met, but He was not always nice. What example does Jesus leave us for being kind and loving? The kindness Jesus displayed put other’s spiritual well being over pleasing them. Was that also an expression of his love? As his disciples He wants us to show love and kindness to all those who cross our path, even if it means “pushing” them away from the danger ahead. Kindness is a huge part of loving one another and loving our enemies. In order to have strong, Christ-centered relationships with our spouses, children, and friends, we must cultivate kindness for one another. Today and everyday, let us all bear the fruit of kindness with the people God has put in our lives!

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Patience

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IMG_1013This month’s theme is Patience. Patience is such a difficult characteristic to put into practice. So much so, that we thought of skipping this theme all together. See, the thing about patience is that it is something we all need and want, but none of us want to go through the difficult trials involved in producing patience (Amen?).

Patience is not something we are born with; it is a gift from the Holy Spirit.

Every parent who has been through the toddler phase has wished that both they and their child were born with patience. Dealing with the “I can do it myself” stage takes a boat load of patience. As adults, many of us still take the “l can do it myself” attitude with things that only God can handle. Thankfully, we have a loving and patient Heavenly Father that waits for us to hand over our problems.

A healthy, godly marriage also takes patience. When we say, “I do” God joins us together as husband and wife, but neither person knows exactly what they are doing. Each person must learn how to be a godly spouse while being patient with the other as they learn. We must pray for the Spirit to grant us patience as we grow together.

Solomon tells us in Ecc. 3:1, “For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven.” Right now we are in a time of waiting on the Lord to return. Patience is needed in this liminal space between Jesus’s resurrection and his return. As His disciples, we eagerly await the gift of eternal life with Jesus in heaven, and we have also been instructed to teach and be patient with difficult people (Titus 2:24-26).

This month, let us all pray for the Spirit to grant us patience to run the race well. For we know “that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.” (James 1:3-4)

Joy – Rainbow After the Storm

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joyHave you ever watched a child experience something for the first time? Think of the way their face lights up. That initial light is inevitably followed by a smile, maybe even laughter. Childlike awe is so precious and infectious; it makes you want to smile and laugh right along with them. It’s amazing to us how children keep that awe even with things they get to see over and over again.

Jesus said that if we want to enter the kingdom of heaven we must be like little children. Could He mean that we should approach God with humble, childlike awe? One of the things that brings joy to our daughters is spotting a rainbow. We search the sky to see who can point it out to everyone. You can see their faces light up when they spot it. Joy is that rainbow after the storm.

We all go through storms in our lives. With God, we can endure those storms and look forward to the rainbow that He has promised us. It is because of the great joy that was ahead of him that Jesus suffered the shame and endured the cross. (Hebrews 12:2) We can look to Jesus as our example as we eagerly wait for the Joy that is to come. Jesus teaches us in John 15:9-11 that if we remain in his love and follow his teaching, we will be filled with His joy and our joy will overflow! What can be better than that?

When we have the overflowing joy that comes from Jesus conquering death and giving us the hope of eternal life, no circumstance can steal that joy away from us because it is based on an unchanging promise. Join us as we focus on living with joy and approaching each day with childlike awe for all God is doing. 

The Be One Life

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